Bakers must carefully layer the dough, paint on perfect proportions of butter, and then roll and fold this trembling croissant embryo with the precision of a Japanese origami master. PHOTOS: VMAs 2013: Best and Worst Moments This process, as you can understand, takes much time. And we implore the patience of all those who order croissants. You may be familiar with the famous French expression, “A great croissant is worth waiting a lifetime for.” We know you are a busy man, M. West, but we believe that your patience for croissants will always be rewarded. We could easily let this water pass under the bridge, as they say, but we take your lyrics very seriously. From the other lines in the song, we have come to understand that you may in fact be a “God.” Yet if this were the case and we, of course, take you at your word we wonder why you do not more frequently employ your omnipotence to change time and space to better suit your own personal whims. For us mere mortals, we must wait the time required for the croissant to come to perfect fruition, but as a deity, you can surely alter the bread’s molecular structure faster than the speed of light, no? And with your omniscience, perhaps you have something to teach us about the perfect croissant. We await your guidance and insights. We appreciate your continued patronage of French culture. (Your frequent references to menage perhaps speak an interest in the structure of the French household?) We hope from the deepest recesses of our hearts, however, that in the future you give croissants the time they need to fully mature before you partake.
Kanye West: Kazakhstan Concert Earns Singer $3 Million, But No Fans
Comments 4 Miley Cyrus and Kanye West are reportedly making a remix of West’s controversial single, “Black Skinhead.” (Nancy Kaszerman / MCT, Larry Busacca / Getty Images for MTV / August 25, 2013) Also By Gerrick D. Kennedy August 28, 2013, 2:26 p.m. File this under things that probably wont end well: Kanye West has tapped Miley Cyrus for a collaboration. While pundits are suddenly interested in the phenomenon that is twerking (seriously, folks, its not new despite what countless think pieces are currently stating), the singer thats just now introducing the tawdry dance to Middle America has teamed up with a rapper whos polarized the same audience. After Cyrus deliciously trashy train wreck of a performance at Sundays MTV Video Music Awards, the singer reportedly skipped her own post-VMA party to log studio time for a top-secret collaboration, according to the New York Post. West, who also performed on the telecast, turned out to be the collaborator. Her reps, however, didn’t answer the more important question of who twerked in her honor at the party she skipped. The result of the pairing? A remix to Wests controversial single Black Skinhead. A Cyrus-West pairing isnt as unlikely as it sounds. The former Hannah Montana star has been aggressively ditching her Disney princess image and cozying up to hip-hop superstars ahead of her highly anticipated fourth album, Bangerz. Whether or not it’s genuine is the current debate of music critics everywhere. But Cyrus has already logged studio time with a breadth of hip-hop heavyweights including Pharrell Williams, Future, will.i.am, Juicy J, Wiz Khalifa and Mike Will Made It, who produced her comeback single, We Cant Stop. Her controversial performance of We Cant Stop at the VMAs is the Internets current to-beat-a-dead-horse conversation.
Kanye West plays lucrative gig for controversial Kazakhstan president
The highlight of the night was a performance by Kanye West. Well, maybe. But more on that later. First lets talk about the absurd amount of money that was spent to get Kanye West to perform. Kazakhistan residents were furious that Kanye was paid $3 million for a few hours of work. Especially since much of Kazakhstan is in dire need of help. Kazakh web user Anomin writes: Really stupid, we, the Kazakhs, for the money could have provided so many villagers with water, gas and etc, and taken care of children in orphanages. Another adds: Someone takes 3m dollars out of the country for his failed songs, and here I am shaking for 20,000 tenge (Kazakhstan currency) of unpaid taxes. But the money isnt the only controversial issue surrounding Kanye Wests Kazakhstan concert. Several of the musicians fans are also upset that Kanye ignored alleged human rights violations in order to make some easy money. Human Rights Watch accuses Kazakhstan of credible allegations of torture, the imprisonment of government critics, tight controls over the media and freedom of expression and association, limits in religious freedom, and continuing violation of workers rights. Similar accusations were made in 2011 when Sting was scheduled to perform for the president. Sting pulled out of the concert, however, saying: The Kazakh gas and oil workers and their families need our support and the spotlight of the international media on their situation in the hope of bringing about positive change. But perhaps the most shocking aspect of Kanyes concert in Kazkhstan is the fact that no one really cared that he was there . The wedding guests seemed disinterested in the singers performance, opting to take selfies instead of paying attention to the concert.
Kanye’s Kazakh cash-in
Photograph: Larry Busacca/Getty Images for MTV Kanye West allegedly spent Saturday night in Kazakhstan , performing at a wedding for the grandson of President Nursultan Nazarbayev . Despite international protests over Nazarbayev’s human rights record , West apparently accepted millions for a gig at Almaty’s luxurious Grand Tulip Hotel. News of West’s appearance emerged via Twitter and Instagram postings by several of the party’s guests . One attendee, a professional photographer , shared video from the show . The pixelated footage shows the rapper performing to an ambivalent crowd: people scarcely seem to be paying attention; when they are, they are posing for photographs. According to Kazakh website Tengrinews (via Buzzfeed ), the party celebrated the nuptials of Aysultan Nazarbayev and Alima Boranbayeva. Aysultan, 23, is the youngest son of President Nazarbayev’s eldest daughter. He is a graduate of Sandhurst, and now works for the country’s ministry of defence. Boranbayeva, 20, reportedly attends London’s Courtauld Institute of Art. Her father is Kayrat Boranbayev, chairman of the joint Kazakh-Russian state oil venture KazRosGas. Celebrity blog TMZ claimed West received $3m (1.93m) to appear at the royal wedding reception, offering up songs such as Can’t Tell Me Nothing. Before the bash, Tengrinews reported that other performers might include the Turkish singer Mustafa Sandal, Ukrainian pop star Elka, actors Gennady Khazanov and Nonna Grishaeva, and even, “according to some sources”, Beyonce Knowles.
Kanye West gets schooled on croissant-patience by French Bakers Association
The US governments Web site describes Kazakhstans dismal human-rights record, including state-sanctioned torture, the muzzling of political opposition and religious freedom along with arbitrary arrests and heavy media censorship. The State Department also said Nazarbayevs 2011 election he received 95 percent of the vote fell short of international standards. Nazarbayev has been the president of Kazakhstan since the oil-rich ex-Soviet republic declared independence in 1991. West appears to be taking a page from Jennifer Lopezs pay-for-play-for-tyrants book. The Bronx-born bombshell earned more than $9 million from fees earned entertaining crooks and dictators from Eastern Europe and Russia, according to a scathing report from the Human Rights Foundation. For $2,5 million, J.Lo sang Happy Birthday Mr. President to Turkmenistan dictator Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov this summer. Once outed, she apologized, but did not give money back or hand it over to nonprofit groups that help victims of the rights-abusing regimes. Nazarbayev is widely viewed as a corrupt dictator who has siphoned off much of his nations oil wealth for himself and his regime-propping, human-rights-abusing cronies. West performed at the Hotel Royal Tulip in Almaty, a picturesque city featured in Sacha Baron Cohens 2006 political satire, Borat. Almaty is a former provincial capital that is now filled with representatives from multinational companies in the oil and gas business. The 23-year-old groom, Aysultan Nazarbayev, is a graduate of Britains Sandhurst Academy and now works for his grandpas Ministry of Defense while his 20-year-old bride, Alima Boranbayeva, is the daughter of the chairman of the powerful Russian-Kazakh state oil venture, KazRosGas. A wedding guest posted part of Wests performance on Instagram, featuring the rapper belting out, Cant Tell Me Nothing. Americas relationship with Kazakhstan is complex.
French Bakers Chide Kanye West in Hilarious Letter
hurry up with his [bleep] croissants.” The line appears on Yeezy’s often hilarious track “I am a God,” off his new album, “Yeezus,” and it seems multiple French pastry chefs are offended by the notion that a delicacy such as the croissant should be made hastily for anyone — even for Kanye West. “The croissant is dignified — not vulgar like a piece of toast, simply popped into a mechanical device to be browned,” the complaint reads. “No — the croissant is born of tender care and craftsmanship. Bakers must carefully layer the dough, paint on perfect proportions of butter, and then roll and fold this trembling croissant embryo with the precision of a Japanese origami master.” It continues: “We implore the patience of all those who order croissants … You may be familiar with the famous French expression, ‘A great croissant is worth waiting a lifetime for.’ We know you are a busy man, M. West, but we believe that your patience for croissants will always be rewarded.” The amazing letter, which you can read in full on Billboard , goes on and on, referring to Kanye’s new daughter, North, in the French “Nord,” and inquiring as to why, if Kanye is a god, he can’t simply make the croissants appear at will: “From the other lines in the song, we have come to understand that you may in fact be a ‘God.’ Yet if this were the case and we, of course, take you at your word we wonder why you do not more frequently employ your omnipotence to change time and space to better suit your own personal whims. For us mere mortals, we must wait the time required for the croissant to come to perfect fruition, but as a deity, you can surely alter the bread’s molecular structure faster than the speed of light, no? And with your omniscience, perhaps you have something to teach us about the perfect croissant. We await your guidance and insights.” Finally, the letter is signed, “Salutations cordiales, Bernard Aydelotte, Association of French Bakers.” Perhaps it was the earnestness with which the letter was composed, or maybe most American news outlets are run by people who believe French bakers spend a lot of time listening to new rap albums while baking. Either way, as the letter went viral on various news websites this week, it was repeatedly reported that the French Bakers Association really wrote the thing. Just one problem: There is no French Bakers Association. There is, however, a very funny writer named David Marx out there in Twitterverse, and he posted a link to the piece weeks ago — right after he wrote it: Unfortunately for David Marx, the letter’s awesomeness overshadowed its writer’s talent. Earlier this week, Marx tweeted: By Friday, Marx had given up telling bloggers and journos that he had written the letter, letting them instead cling to their belief that an angry, rap-loving mob of French bakers had issued a formal complaint: